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Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon (Read 2026 times)
Bennie
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Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Mar 03rd, 2005, 12:04pm
 
I was just wondering what the difference was between a kiddush and a kiddush luncheon after services?  Is it something that varies temple to temple?  We do not belong to a temple now but growing up there was always a kiddush after services.  There was wine, juice, challah, cookies, etc.  It was for everyone who attended the services, not just the BM invites.

In many of the threads there is talk of seating arrangements, bringing other children to the services and kiddush, etc.  It got me thinking about this question.  Thanks for helping out.  

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luvinlife
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #1 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:15pm
 
For us, Kiddush is just the cookies, challah and juice for everyone at the service.  The Kiddush luncheon includes lunch/brunch food..bagels, cream cheese, etc. and is limited to your guests only.  If you do that, usually there is a community kiddush with the cookies for everyone that lasts for about 25 minutes, then the luncheon.
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alermar
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #2 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:20pm
 
At our temple, the kiddush is for everyone at services.  If you have a kiddush luncheon, then you and your guests go directly into the luncheon, and the kiddush is for everyone else (like the temple mbrs who came to services or the other BM child's guests).
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momZilla
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #3 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:13pm
 
At our temple, EVERYONE, invited guests as well as those uninvited but attening services, are required to be invited to the kiddush, and kiddush luncheon as well if there is one.  So if someone brings along the ILs that happen to be in town, or the uninvited 7 year old that came for shabbat attendance requirements along with his mother, EVERYONE gets to have lunch on the BMs parents.  
My final count has to include possibly 30 extras in attendance. Does it bother me?  No, because it always seemed tacky to me to split up the crowd, and because we always felt that splitting families up for shabbat is wrong.
If someone doesn't want to pay for uninvited attendees then they are welcome to sponsor the minimum kiddush with the cookies and brownies after services instead and have the big luncheon off-site.
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queensmom
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #4 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:33pm
 
Our temple works like MomZillas.  We have to invite everyone to the kiddish/kiddish luncheon.  We are also required to do a minimum Kiddish of bagels, spreads and salads.  This came about when we had free hebrew school which was paid for by a bingo night run by the older congregants who are the regular temple goers. This was a thank you to them.  There is no longer bingo but the requirement has stayed.  What I did for my sons instead of doing a buffet (which is what most people do).  I did family style.  I had tables set up for my guests, my sons friends and the congregants.  Each group got different food.  I spent a significant amount per person for my guests and didn't want to pay that kind of money for the congregants.  My caterer went well above the normal kiddish, even for the congregants.  I had seperate table for the kids because I served kid friendly food to them. Not sure what I am doing for my daughter because the party situation for her is totally different.  Probably will do something much more simple.
Queensmom
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momZilla
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #5 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 2:17pm
 
Queensmom,
Serving family style, with different food at each table sounds like an interesting alternative, even if we feed everyone except the kids the same food (kiddie food for the kids).  I'm going to run it by DH to see what he thinks.  
But how did you assign seating for the unknown number of non-guests?  Were the tables labelled, guest, teen, congregant?
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lbr
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #6 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 2:24pm
 
At our temple, kiddish is challah, wine,juice, and cookies.  A kiddush luncheon is more like brunch with bagels, salads, etc.  Since we are having an evening party, I am planning a basic kiddish at the service for everyone (congregants included).  Then, I am inviting my guests back to our neighborhood clubhouse for a simple luncheon.  This way I don't have to feed/pay for a luncheon with the congregants or pay the exorbitant fee the caterer wants to charge where we hold services.  I have found a local bagel place that will do what I want much more affordably.
Afterwards, my guests can go home, sightsee, relax at the hotel ... whatever, before coming to our party in the evening.
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queensmom
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #7 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 2:36pm
 
MomZilla,
I made up tent cards that said - J's Guests, Hebrew Center Members and J's Friends.  Putting Reserve tables for BM guests is common in our temple.  This way the congregation doesn't spread out among all the tables and your guest who want to sit together can't.  I probabaly will do something similar for my daughters even if we do all the same food.  The family style did work great but there was alot of food left over which I picked up on Sunday and used for an open house brunch at my house.
Queensmom
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Daughter's BM was 3/18/06.
What an amazing weekend!!
Thanks for all your help!!!
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March19th
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #8 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 3:03pm
 
At our temple (a 600 family reform congregation in California), everyone is invited to any version of Kiddush that is provided. This may be only challah -- or a full fledged meal. For my daughter's BM, we had a fairly involved luncheon, with a live band, good food, and wine. We set extra places for the congregants and were pleased that some (15 or fewer) stayed  with us for a while. To my mind, the participation and presense of the congregation after the service made it feel like an authentic Jewish service that my daughter had the great honor of helping lead -- versus a personal, secular party.

For my son's quickly upcoming BM, we will have a simple family style lunch after the service (bagels, challah, quiche, caesar salad, and cookies) and a more involved evening reception. Again, all the congregants will be welcome to stay (and we expect more will do so because this meal will be simple and served quickly.) I would not want to serve the congregants lesser food, however, or separate them in anyway.

When considering this question, I always remember that this service belongs to the congregation, not to the BM family. The congregation's presense increases the beauty and traditional feeling of a BM.

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Twingirlsmom
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #9 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 3:20pm
 
At our temple, if we make a Kiddush luncheon it has to be open to all.  We usually just add abut 20 guests.  I like the idea of the reserved signs.  I was going to do a couple for family but think I will extend it if my temple approves.
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DannysMom
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #10 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 3:49pm
 
We are members of a large Conservative schul (over 1200 families) and everyone whether invited guests or members of the schul are invited for kiddush lunch after services.  Even if there is no Bar/Bat Mitzvah or special occasion, a kiddush lunch is served (just not as fancy).

When a Bar/Bat Mitzvah takes place the family is required to pay for 260 people minimum at about $6.00 per person and that same amount for all invited guests.  The menu can be a variety of food...usually asst. rolls and bagels, the tuna that everyone loves, kugel, cottage cheese, fresh fruit, fresh vegs, herring, egg salad, etc... lots of goodies and coffee, tea and punch or lemonade.  

When the tables are all set up (18 round ones) and long tables on the stage in our social hall a few tables are marked "reserved for family".  

Everyone stays after services and has some type of "nosh", kibbutz(sp) with the Barmi family, schul friends, etc.  Usually the Rabbi's (we have 2) and Cantor come around to all of the tables to wish everyone a good Shabbat.  

This is a wonderful time to see people you don't see often and for the Barmi family to great their family and friends.  

If a party is being held in the schul, it will be set up closer to when Shabbat ends and only those invited guests attend.  Many families hold their party away from the schul because it can start earlier than ending of Shabbat, don't necessarily need Kosher food, etc.  The Rabbi's and Cantor usually do not attend these party's.          

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queensmom
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #11 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 3:57pm
 
Dannysmom, wow 6 per person is very reasonable.  Don't rememeber where you are from.  I paid 25 per person for our guests menu and I think 15 per person for the congregation menu. That is why we had different menus.  Our caterer gave so much to both our guests and the congregation, and since it was all on the tables already no one realized that there was a difference.  We had aat least 30 temple members stay.  We had expected more but many of them were away. Everything in NY is always more expensive!!
Queensmom
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Daughter's BM was 3/18/06.
What an amazing weekend!!
Thanks for all your help!!!
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DannysMom
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BM date 5/27/2006

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Ohio
Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #12 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 4:06pm
 
Queensmom:

We are from Columbus, Ohio!  Our schul is the only Conservative schul...but one of the Orthodox schul's had some issues and is becoming Conservative - learning toward Orthodox (if that makes sense)

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Bennie
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Re: Kiddush vs Kiddush Luncheon
Reply #13 - Mar 3rd, 2005, 4:35pm
 
Thank you everyone for your answers.  It clears up some of the confusion in my mind.   Roll Eyes I guess it depends on the temple.  It was interesting to hear how each celebrates.
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